You are absolutely right about TG:Mav. 1000% a cash grab and feature length commercial for the navy (I left with an old Simpsons bit in my head YVAN EHT NIOJ).
I cringed through the first twenty for sure. I also fully bemoaned the fact that while it leveled up the jet action, it completely lost its sexiness (which probably has most to do with the nature of the international market)—the “sex scene” was reminiscent of some deep Hayes Code winks and nods and even though Tom is in great shape for his age, don’t need his bare chest playing football (sun screen shirts are all the rage!) (and football is so much worse of a choice than the sexiest sport ever invented: beach volleyball. Just go all in on recreating the magic there).
I could pick out the problems with this movie all day and I could convince myself it’s terrible except for my knowledge that I had a good time in the theater. Maybe it was just my first time back in a theater since pandemic. Maybe it was because I chose to revisit the OG just a few weeks before and was completely taken by the deep orange gradients on the lens and the extreme telephoto photography and remembered just how damn sexy movies were in the 80s. Maybe because I’m the exact market this marketing team was aiming at. But for whatever reason, I chose to let go of all that was bad and just watch it for what it was. And I had a good time.
Of course, you’re still right. Maybe my point is sometimes the worst movies can be a fun time if the jingoism doesn’t make you barf.
soooo with you on the disappointing, bloated, flatter than a flat-top, top gun. i was mad at it when the credits rolled (and in several scenes prior)!!!!!!
Ha, I love this list. There is nothing I love more than reading really witty verbal takedowns of cultural dreck. I realize you probably weren't intentionally trying to be witty, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. I actually haven't seen anything on this list except Don't Worry Darling, which I quite enjoyed (unless you count that I watched basically the entirety of TG:M over someone's shoulder on a flight this fall while they watched it on their laptop and I listened to my ipod). I didn't think it worked, and I agree it was muddled and somewhat incoherent, but sometimes I really love messy movies that try to do something big and fail. I can still admire the effort, and even above all that, I still just found it enormously entertaining. I was never bored. And I love Frances Pugh; I would watch her do almost anything, except "act" in Marvel movies.
I am a huge horror fan, and the original Scream is in my top 10 movies of all time, but I have never found any of the sequels to even remotely begin to approach the brilliance of the original, and have honestly been quite flummoxed over the years as to why they're so popular. I think they are garbage - boring, unoriginal, derivative, and frankly, stupid. So needless to say I didn't see the "requel," reboot, sequel, remake, whatever the fuck. I also love the original Hellraiser, and have been curious about that reboot or whatever it is, but not enough to actually watch it.
I just saw a trailer for a new movie on Hulu that I suspect will knock all of these - except Top Gun: Maverick - down a notch... It's called Binge, and at first we thought it was a Purge parody (and also, if it was, Binge + Purge, come on...) - and who doesn't love a well-done parody? But it's not actually that.... it starts with a similar premise - alcohol is completely outlawed except for one night of the year. And then it seems to have ZERO things to say about culture or society or really anything. (Which, one of the reasons I loved the Purge movies so much was that they were saying SO MUCH about our culture!) I won't be watching, but if you do, I look forward to your review. :)
I love Hellraiser and HATED the reboot SO much just boring scold of the movie AND I loved Night House which just felt even more like a betrayal. Anyway glad someone else hated it I have read some raves that made me feel like I was loosing my mind.
Like I will admit a lot of is I do not like the thematic shift of the whole what the box represents etc BUT even giving it that I don't get how anyone can watch it and not seem as just SO obvious and uninteresting.
You are absolutely right about TG:Mav. 1000% a cash grab and feature length commercial for the navy (I left with an old Simpsons bit in my head YVAN EHT NIOJ).
I cringed through the first twenty for sure. I also fully bemoaned the fact that while it leveled up the jet action, it completely lost its sexiness (which probably has most to do with the nature of the international market)—the “sex scene” was reminiscent of some deep Hayes Code winks and nods and even though Tom is in great shape for his age, don’t need his bare chest playing football (sun screen shirts are all the rage!) (and football is so much worse of a choice than the sexiest sport ever invented: beach volleyball. Just go all in on recreating the magic there).
I could pick out the problems with this movie all day and I could convince myself it’s terrible except for my knowledge that I had a good time in the theater. Maybe it was just my first time back in a theater since pandemic. Maybe it was because I chose to revisit the OG just a few weeks before and was completely taken by the deep orange gradients on the lens and the extreme telephoto photography and remembered just how damn sexy movies were in the 80s. Maybe because I’m the exact market this marketing team was aiming at. But for whatever reason, I chose to let go of all that was bad and just watch it for what it was. And I had a good time.
Of course, you’re still right. Maybe my point is sometimes the worst movies can be a fun time if the jingoism doesn’t make you barf.
soooo with you on the disappointing, bloated, flatter than a flat-top, top gun. i was mad at it when the credits rolled (and in several scenes prior)!!!!!!
Ha, I love this list. There is nothing I love more than reading really witty verbal takedowns of cultural dreck. I realize you probably weren't intentionally trying to be witty, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. I actually haven't seen anything on this list except Don't Worry Darling, which I quite enjoyed (unless you count that I watched basically the entirety of TG:M over someone's shoulder on a flight this fall while they watched it on their laptop and I listened to my ipod). I didn't think it worked, and I agree it was muddled and somewhat incoherent, but sometimes I really love messy movies that try to do something big and fail. I can still admire the effort, and even above all that, I still just found it enormously entertaining. I was never bored. And I love Frances Pugh; I would watch her do almost anything, except "act" in Marvel movies.
I am a huge horror fan, and the original Scream is in my top 10 movies of all time, but I have never found any of the sequels to even remotely begin to approach the brilliance of the original, and have honestly been quite flummoxed over the years as to why they're so popular. I think they are garbage - boring, unoriginal, derivative, and frankly, stupid. So needless to say I didn't see the "requel," reboot, sequel, remake, whatever the fuck. I also love the original Hellraiser, and have been curious about that reboot or whatever it is, but not enough to actually watch it.
I look forward to reading your Best column!
I just saw a trailer for a new movie on Hulu that I suspect will knock all of these - except Top Gun: Maverick - down a notch... It's called Binge, and at first we thought it was a Purge parody (and also, if it was, Binge + Purge, come on...) - and who doesn't love a well-done parody? But it's not actually that.... it starts with a similar premise - alcohol is completely outlawed except for one night of the year. And then it seems to have ZERO things to say about culture or society or really anything. (Which, one of the reasons I loved the Purge movies so much was that they were saying SO MUCH about our culture!) I won't be watching, but if you do, I look forward to your review. :)
I love Hellraiser and HATED the reboot SO much just boring scold of the movie AND I loved Night House which just felt even more like a betrayal. Anyway glad someone else hated it I have read some raves that made me feel like I was loosing my mind.
Like I will admit a lot of is I do not like the thematic shift of the whole what the box represents etc BUT even giving it that I don't get how anyone can watch it and not seem as just SO obvious and uninteresting.
but have you seen the whale